My Thoughts on This Season of The Bachelor

Yet another season of The Bachelor has ended in what one hopes to be a fairy tale ending.  Chris Soules aka Prince Farming was this season’s Bachelor (in case you didn’t know, are living under a rock, or are a productive member of society).  He got down on one knee and proposed to Whitney, who was my top pick almost the entire time.

I have been watching The Bachelor/Bachelorette since I was in middle school.  I remember watching the first season with Alex.  I remember feeling like he was unattractive, old, and dorky.  Also I believe I remember, and I could be wrong, that being a millionaire was a requirement for being The Bachelor.  I’m sure Chris Harrison never anticipated that a silly dating show would become this tremendous franchise.  Alex proposed to Amanda and left Trista in the dust.  I think their relationship only lasted a month.  Once Trista became The Bachelorette, and showed that you can find true love on this show and subsequently get married with a billion helicopters hovering above, ABC was onto something.  And to millions of viewers around the world, including myself, a sick addiction was born.

There are only a couple of seasons I didn’t watch.  I didn’t watch the season with the ESPN guy or the guy with the silly mullet.  I didn’t watch Jillian Harris’ season either.  I almost stopped watching the show after Juan Pablo’s season because he was just the worst Bachelor in the show’s history.  Bachelor in Paradise restored my love for the insane roller coaster of crazy that is this franchise.  I am very excited about the second season of this show.  I hope crazy Ashley S. from the current season decides to grace us with her heavily medicated presence.

Let’s talk a little bit about Chris’ season, shall we?  I won’t bore you with my thoughts on every contestant or dramatic incident, but I do want to share a little bit about the key contestants and how/what they contributed to this season’s Bachelor experience.

Chris Soules – The Bachelor

Meet Chris, a corn farmer from a nightmarishly small town in Iowa.  He made it to the Hometown Dates on Andi’s season, but Andi understandably freaked and fled after seeing this town.  He picked up the pieces of his broken heart to become the new Bachelor and practically make out with every contestant.  I do love Chris’ quiet demeanor and dolphin laugh, however.

Tara – Loveable Drunk #1

This is Tara, fly fishing enthusiast and first night party girl.  I could imagine that the buildup after being accepted onto The Bachelor must be a very exciting time.  You take leave from your job and hope that you will have it after you come back.  You leave your home, your pets, and sometimes your kids.  You buy a bunch of sparkly dresses, pack up what they lead you to believe is one suitcase, and head to LA to live in a house with 24 of your boyfriend’s other girlfriends.  Super.  Exciting.  Time.  Naturally, the way to combat all the first night nerves of the cameras, girl drama, and competition is to frequent the open bar.  Well, some women just take the free, unlimited booze a little too far.  Tara is one of these women.  She practically fell off the risers while fighting to stay awake and waiting to see if she would be given a rose on the first night.  To the disappointment of the girls who were not sloshed who did not get picked, she was offered a rose.  I think the producers were hoping she would be just as exciting sober as she was drunk/asleep.  She was not and was let go the following week.

Jordan – Loveable Drunk #2

Jordan quickly replaced Tara as the house party girl.  Fresh out of the Sorority House somewhere in Colorado, Jordan graced us with her drunken antics.After chugging wine and attempting to twerk her way into Chris’ heart, she was let go after a couple of weeks for being a hot mess.  A couple weeks later, she reappeared on a group date with a Louis Vuitton and without her dignity.  She promised that wine guzzling was not her only skill in life and begged for a second chance.  The girls on the group date were not having this, except for Whitney.  Because she’s a classy gal.  Which is why Chris chose her.  Chris decided to send Jordan and her Louis packing once again.

 Megan – The Geography Expert

All you need to know about sweet, southern Megan is that she thought that New Mexico was literally a newer part of Mexico.  She was truly disappointed to find out that there would be no beach, sombreros, or stamp in her el pasaporte. Ashley S. – The Craziest Woman You Will Ever Meet

Ashley S…  If only there are words to describe this woman.  She is a master onion picker, capture the flag champion of the Mesa Verde, professional mean mugger, eternal wanderer of accounting departments, keeper of the crazy eyes, and clearly the only resident of her own planet.

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I am pretty sure the only reason she lasted so long was because of how entertaining she was to all.  Every time she interacted with Chris, he looked at her as if he was waiting for her to break character.  But alas, she never did.  Because she is just plain crazy.  You just keep doin’ you, Ashley!

Ashley I. – Kardashley/Virgin #1

This is Kim Kardashian Princess Jasmine Ashley I.  She is a 24 year old journalist with the highlighting and contouring skills of an actual Kardashian.  She is extremely proud of the fact that she resembles the famous clan and is all about that Kim K life.  She absolutely has won the award for the most makeup ever worn on a campout.  The length of her eyelashes also made me extremely uncomfortable.  Aside from her bronzer collection and role as the resident Mean Girl, she is also a virgin.  Why the show made such a big deal out of this, I will never know.  You don’t normally see the contestants running around exclaiming how they are no longer virgins, so I don’t know why they had to make this the focal point of numerous episodes.  As it turns out, she was not the only virgin and actually looked sad that she would no longer be able to stand out because of this.  She was left alone to ugly cry in the Badlands of North Dakota after telling Chris how she really felt about Kelsey on their 2-on-1 date.

My personal belief is that what it all boiled down to was the fact that there is no Sephora in Arlington, IA and Chris would not be able to provide the glamorous life she expected.

Kelsey – The Widow with the Amazing Story

Before we get into my thoughts on Kelsey, I just want to say this: I have obviously never lost a spouse and I am not about to judge how one deals with their own grief.  Everyone reacts to the healing process in different ways.  What I can say is that Kelsey’s healing process is a “different” one.  Kelsey lost her husband suddenly about a year and a half ago.  On the show, she had described her story as “amazing” and “tragic”.  I think what she had meant by “amazing” is that her ability to survive this tragedy and her perseverance to move forward is amazing.  But the way she talked about it, and the way the other girls perceived it, did not make it seem like that is what Kelsey meant by “amazing”.  I believe that she did use her story to gain sympathy from Chris and to receive more than a couple of pity roses.  When she told Chris her story away from the other girls, she then took it as an opportunity to awkwardly make out with him.

The Bachelor Kelsey Kisses Chris

Chris decided to let her go on the 2-on-1 date in the Badlands after Ashley I. unleashed her true thoughts on Kelsey.  On an unrelated note, I just want to mention that Kelsey lives in Austin.  She is definitely keeping Austin weird.

Jade – The Girl Next Door… Or So We Thought

I really loved Jade and was truly pulling for her.  She is a quiet girl from the Midwest who moved out to LA and started her own makeup line.  She was Chris’ sisters’ top pick for their Cinderella date.  She fit in perfectly when Chris took her to one of his local football games to meet his parents.  Everything was going swimmingly until Hometown Dates, when Jade’s brother referred to her as a wild mustang.  Chris was puzzled by this.  Jade decided that this would be the perfect time to not only tell him that she once posed for Playboy, but to show him the photos AND the video.  Yeah, there’s a video.  Chris let her go that week.  Perhaps if she had the opportunity to tell him earlier, he could have adjusted to the idea of her past and moved forward with the wonderful woman she grew up to be.  It was just too little, too late, I suppose.

Kaitlyn – The Cool Girl

Kaitlyn was awesome and way too cool and fun for Chris.  I really don’t think there was any way she would have survived in that tiny town.  I think the second most painful rose ceremony to watch is always the one after the Fantasy Suite dates.  I mean, who wants to be sent home knowing you all spent the night with the same guy and then you were the one discarded.  It has to feel awful.  She literally had no words.  Things worked out well for Kaitlyn because she is new the Bachelorette!

Britt – Practically Angelina Jolie

After seeing Britt’s interaction with Chris on the first night, I was so sure he was just going to send the camera crew and the girls packing and propose to her right then and there.  Britt was the envy of the house.  She is gorgeous and fun.  She seems like the kind of girl who always smells like Bath & Body Works body spray and wears jingly bracelets.  We found out some interesting things about Britt fairly quickly.  She doesn’t like to shower and she sleeps in full makeup just in case the cameras come in early.  She became so sure about her connection with Chris that she eventually couldn’t handle not being the only girl there.  Although there was one awful group date where Chris left all the other girls sitting around at a bar to take Britt to the Big & Rich show.  He then gave her a rose onstage.  After about an hour, Chris and Britt came back hand-in-hand and had to explain where they were.  Chris bailed and basically fed Britt to the wolves.  Eventually, a combination of Britt’s jealousy and the opinions of the girls in the house got to Chris.  He sent her home.

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Things worked out well for Britt, because she is the new Bachelorette!  Wait.. what?  HOW ON EARTH WILL THEY HAVE TWO BACHELORETTES ON THE SAME SHOW.  It’s funny, because after the show aired, I was trying to decide whether Britt or Kaitlyn would be the next Bachelorette.  I briefly thought that it would be hilarious to have two Bachelorettes on the same season, but I didn’t think ABC would ever do that.  Well, apparently they are.  Prepare yourselves.

Becca – Runner Up/Virgin #2

I like Becca a lot.  She was real, she was honest, and she didn’t define herself by her virginity (like Kardashley).  As the end the show approached, I was concerned that Chris was falling for her because she was harder to crack.  She wasn’t sure how quickly she wanted to get married and was concerned about what she would do when she moved to Iowa.  I mean, she lives in San Diego.  The decision would probably have been much easier for her if they could have just been in love on the beach and not in the corn.  She also wasn’t sure if what she felt was love, which means that it wasn’t.  When Chris let her go on the last day, her response was somewhat robotic.  This is what Becca looks like when she’s devastated:

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She didn’t really act like someone who didn’t get proposed to.  She acted like someone who was wondering what time her flight was.  I have a lot of respect for Becca because it is probably so easy to confuse what you think is love for the competition aspect of this show.  She wasn’t sure about Chris and that’s exactly what she told him.

Whitney – Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

My perception of the natural progression of this show has dramatically changed since I started watching it.  When I was a kid, I thought that it was so romantic and they would be in love and live happily ever after.  It pains me to know that after many years of thinking these people were all so old, I would now be considered one of the older gals on this show.  And generally, now it’s just kind of weird.  First of all, it’s dating Hunger Games.  You spend six weeks with a guy and all of the other girls he is dating to win him over.  You are then expected to fall in love and be engaged within this time frame.  Even on the day you get proposed to, he had just dumped another girl and was crying her over leaving.  Literally minutes before he is proposing to you.  There is something very wrong with this.  But who am I kidding, I love to watch it all unfold.

Whitney was perfect for Chris from the get-go.  She is a cute girl from Kentucky.  She has a great job as a fertility nurse.  So she will not only have babies with Chris, but she can also make one in a petrie dish.  Pretty cool.  She was super classy with all the girls and told it like it was.  She wanted to be a part of Chris’ great family.  She doesn’t mind moving to Arlington (which is insane). And lastly, her super adorable dog shows all its toys who’s boss.

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I was really excited that Chris chose Whitney and not the hard-to-get, “I’m not sure if I love you” girl.  I hope that they have a wonderful life together in the corn with all their designer babies!

I can’t wait to see all the craziness unfold on the next season of The Bachelorette(s)!  And please PLEASE let Bachelor in Paradise come sooner than later!  Looking at you, Ashley S…

Thanks for stopping by!  See y’all next time…

Marissa

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