Holy moly, has it really been nearly a month since I’ve posted last??  I know every so often I post an “I am alive… Life has been busy… I am getting back to reality” post, but I am alive.  Life has been busy.  And I am, in fact, getting back to reality!

May was a SUPER busy month.  After doing some traveling, I counted that I only spent 15 out of the 31 nights of May in my own bed.  My pillow was calling my name by June 1, people.  After celebrating my grandma’s 85th birthday in Vegas, a wedding in Scottsdale, spending a week and a half with my grandmother here in Austin while my mom was on vacation, and a lovely weekend in Fredericksburg with my boyfriend, I am ready to wake up on a Saturday in my own bed!  And get a bagel!  And decide whether we just want to bum around all day or not.  It was such a fun month, but I am ready to be home for a hot minute.  Plus, the new Season of Orange Is the New Black will be released on Friday.  My lazy butt will be parked right in front of the tv with my pups, one of which who will be recovering from her spay.  Don’t even get me started on the mom emotions that are already building with this one…

I decided to try Rent the Runway for the wedding I attended in Scottsdale.  I have a friend who uses this service at least once per year and she has had great luck with it.  They give you a discount for the first time you use it.  I thought it might be fun to rent something with the money I would normally use to purchase a dress (which I do for just about every wedding I attend and is entirely a giant waste of money).

The online rental process was fun and easy!  It took me forever to decide what I was going to rent.  I decided to book this fun little number.

They let you rent a second size for free, which is great if you’re worried about the dress not fitting.  I was anxious that I wouldn’t fit into either size, so I had a backup dress that I conveniently shopped for in my closet.

One thing I can say about myself is that I do not buy expensive clothing, let alone have ANY clue about designer sizing.  My friend who used this service before has the body of a mannequin and everything looks amazing on her.  I, however, do not have the body of a mannequin but rather the body of an actual pear.

The dresses arrived at my home and I instantly had the terrible feeling that they would not fit.  I was right.  Neither dress fit in the top and the bottom was WAY too big.  I looked like a giant, poofy church bell that had a black, sparkly creature coming out of the top.  The larger size was even worse.  I could now fit a family of five under my skirt, but still had no luck with the top zipper.  I cried.  I have no photos of me in these dresses because… you know, the crying.

I had heard that they have top notch customer service and that they will overnight you another size and/or dress.  Just my luck, they closed three minutes after I stopped crying.  I called them the next morning from the airport.  The rumor was actually fact.  Their customer service is TREMENDOUS.  I chose another dress, instilled trust in the stylist on the other line to choose earrings to match, and waited for the dress to arrive at my hotel in Arizona the following day.  There was no additional charge as the second dress I chose was less expensive than the first one.  That is also why they threw in the earring rental.  They also gave me an extension on returning the first dresses since they were conveniently sitting on my dining room table and were not on vacation with me in Arizona.

Sure enough, the lovely lady at the front desk called me at noon the next day to let me know that my package had arrived.  I was ELATED!  And then I opened it.  Now, I do not normally wear plus sizes in normal clothing.  Since the dresses I initially ordered were too small, I assumed that all designer duds were made for Barbie dolls and that I needed to order a plus size to get anything over my hips and/or… the chest area.  Renting the plus size took it a bit too far.

I was a giant, saggy disco ball, friends.  This dress… on my body… is precisely where disco exploded and died a sad, painful, and sequiny death.  It was a very loud, yet expensive, potato sack on me.  The dress was beautiful, but it was WAY too big.  I have this selfie I took of the dress, but I have cropped out my face as I looked like a nerdy swamp monster that emerged from the sewers.  I will spare you the horror.

I went over in it to my dad’s room for words of encouragement since men typically will tell you it looks ok because they don’t want to be involved.  Not even he was impressed.  I was encouraged to wear the backup.  I really do love my backup dress.  It is comfortable and timeless and doesn’t fail for a wedding.

The following Monday, I drove the dresses and earrings over to the UPS Store and sent them back to their home.  I suppose the $100 I wasted on dresses I didn’t wear can just be chalked up to blog material.  It is obviously not the company’s fault that the dresses didn’t fit me.  So if you have a special event that you want to wear something spectacular to, definitely give Rent the Runway a try.

Thanks for stopping by!  See y’all next time…

Marissa